Me and Michael had an intense argument this morning , I’ll call work just to be safe because I didn’t know what was gonna happen, I lied. So of course I was mad at Michael because of my insecurities and the fact that he made it seem like he didn’t wanna talk about anything. So I just was just mad about a lot so I left because I just didn’t wanna do nothing crazy or say something that I was gonna regret. So he came after me I was so mad and I just felt like he didn’t deserve me. I told him that. He told me everything, he told me how I play a big part in his life with the things I do. Me and Michael have a home together and I don’t know what better I can ask for. Ima have fun, I swear after that I just was like yes. We are good and he gave me a key to the house and said this is your home he told me he was thankful for me . He told me after the argument that I can leave if I want and everything but all he could say was please don’t. Lol he said that he isn’t gonna start singing the tank song lol he made me laugh after our fight. He told me that my way of communicating was good. The letter I wrote him that I thought was me just being desperate and vulnerable and he said it was beautiful. I was like what?!!!! Lol. But I have a better understanding of how things are gonna go and it took a lot of weight off of me so I’m better and I’m thankful for him trying. I will forever remember this and he told me that he wasn’t gonna let me leave. It’s so crazy how he would fight for me. I didn’t know. Lol my mom told me she loved me today aw I felt so special that was the first time she has ever told me that. I’m better and I’m growing wiser everyday and I’m thankful for that.
Ok….weird. Lol I just asked Michael was he home and lol he said he is kind of tipsy like um sooo weird. So I realized I have to pay attention to my feelings more instead of trying to handle situations. I need to ask myself how I am feeling about it in order to understand myself better. So for example Michael told me he was kind of typsy… Lol it was funny cause he said typsy lol. So I kind of feel like that’s wrong and why would he drink with her, I mean I’m not saying why as in why ugh , why as in, they are parents lol he doesn’t even drink with me, I mean its cool though but he can do what he wants, that’s him I really don’t care I told him to just be safe at least if he is with Kaylana I know he is safe lol. He had texted me back and told me half a pill and I’m like what and I forgot our conversation earlier. So about him hanging with Kaylana , I don’t like it, I feel she should look for another relationship or guy to mess with and get some sense, it makes no sense to keep holding on to him, I mean look I live with him, that is my home , and I get to say if it is permanent or not and it is my home, so yea. Lol I’m not saying I want him I really don’t care either way I’m just gonna do me and make sure I’m happy at the end of the day. She is unhappy soooo unhappy, is that my fault? No she is a dumb hitch like the rest of them. So yea but I don’t like it but its nothing I can do about two humans wanting to spend time together, just like Michael can’t stop me from hanging out with another guy, lol I can’t just deal with him, unfortunately I can’t because I am going to continue with my life and me but yea Guys like Michael are trapped with crazy dumb notches like her lol i care too much about my mind to trap any guy. They are worth it, at all. I’m worth a lot and that’s why I live with Michael . I do deserve him so I am going to work harder at what I am doing and paying attention to my feelings. I feel better about it now that I talked. So I’m cool. Listening to music and singing helps me feel better about alot of situations. so im cool. He is awesome and I appreciate my oh so messed up roommate that would fight for me, literally but won’t die for me lol. I just hopes he doesn’t get her pregnant again , that would suck. I wish him the best. These girls are so stupid. Oh and I realized I don’t like hanging out with a group of girls at all. It suck because they all look like rats and I don’t do I just look like an outcast. It makes me feel like I don’t belong. So w.e. fuck them I stand alone . Like I said I just wanna enjoy my autumn. That argument was way overdo though.
Like I said, I fell off track, while I was down, I had to really be so raw, so open, so naked , so exposed that I had no control over it, before I didn’t understand, I didn’t understand anything, how to deal with myself or even if it was ok to be who I was. Yes is ok to be who I am because I can be no one else. I was asked did I have a strong role model , honestly growing up no. Now I have Michael but I’m still alone when it comes to him because there are something’s that he can’t help me wih. There was this cloud of anger or this cloud of sadness or this clod of excessive happiness , or emotions. Where this cloud comes from? It’s a lifelong effect that was born with because of ms watts. She fucked me up but I am not going to blame her or make an excuse. I am going to face it, embrace it and make it make me who I am in a positive way because that what we want is positivity, we are trying to fight off the bad thing the horrible things and the worse things possible, I am living for my older self, I can rush myself I have to be Kaitlynn. I have to bare it all or I won’t be able to accept myself. I want to accept myself good and bad, I am now getting an introduction to what that really means.
I know I really irritated the fuck out of Michael but unfortunately that’s what happens when you only care about yourself, nobody else matters, not his opinion none of it, what about what I have to deal with when it comes to him, what I had to. I am always going to be trying t figure myself out and I refuse to take a break from it. I care about how people treat me and what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I’m allowing myself to feel and be who I was born to be instead of acting or pretending to be someone else or someone who I don’t accept, I accept me when no one else does, I have some great things about me and some horrible things about me and some bad things about me but if I don’t live or wait or hesitate then I don’t have a purpose in trying to know who I am. I am determined to go through every milestone every pain hurt cry and tear to find out who Kaitlynn is and make something out of her because I love her. This figuring me thing out isn’t something that happens over night. I am powerful strong and I will bare my soul before I let anyone in this world hurt me or take me for granted. I don’t care about what everyone else is doing or what everyone wants me to be or want they think they want from themselves. He is stuck! I am not. I know I have to be responsible but I don’t have to be serious all the damn time. I’m fine . I am just trying to discover this girl
Changes……with yourself, with life, with Michael with people, are inevitable , uncontrollable, unpredictable, unbearable, unwilling , and definitely uncompromising . So brace yourself for the change that is to hurt, come and most importantly happen. I’ll hold on to you throughout it all just don’t let me go.
With that being said, I would love for you t caress my soul and heal this pain, it hurts so bad knowing you aren’t here to share this with me, I have her close to my heart, I am taking good care of her. She is much stronger than before. It seems she faces more sense of fear and lack of trust now that ur gone. It’s ok. I tell her every night I love her and that she can tell me everything and anything that’s bothering her, no latter how much it hurts, the older she gets the moe sensitive she is. I wish I could just take her away from all this. She doesn’t deserve any of this. I’m still trying to ask myself why this happen and most importantly how and why does it hurt so bad at that, why does she crave love and attention so much, sometimes I don’t feel like I’m enough when I comes to her. She is so alone In this giant world full of people. i love her so much. I would do anything to protect her and I don’t want no one hurting her. She gets enough pain hat she doesn’t deserve and it sucks. It was good talking to you. Goodnight
Ok now I have been extremely emotionally extremely psychotic and extremely annoying and I have blown things out of proportion. Now it’s time to work hard with my relationship with him and my relationship with me. I don’t like the depression stage or the I want to be by myself stage or the I’m going to get on his fucking nerves because I want to. It’s time to dance and sing our way through both of these relationships. It’s time to calm down and humble our self. Have fun be silly but have self control I’m proud of you for going through the whole weak side of you. Thankfully it was well manage but I didn’t want it to go any other way. It’s time. I saw the evil side of you and so did he but no more its time to be Kaitlynn Blaylock. Not that irritating bitch cause oh my god. That is the title of the month of September. Ugh it was so just horrible. I had to test myself and I had to test him. Now it’s time to stop all the games. It’s not going to be easy but the effort is definitely going to be worth it. I love you no matter what and I am so proud of you
We had a good morning, today and yesterday he has been waking me up, it made me smile though. It gave me an idea of how he feels when I wake him up. It was so cute though, when I finally got up to attack him after he snatched the covers off me, I was happy to see his smile. Idk it was the best feeling ever. Lol I purposely wrapped myself in the covers so he wouldn’t get it but still he managed but it was ok. We talked a little. A lot of smiles and laugh this morning, it felt good and once again when I was in the car I looked at him with that feeling of being grateful to have him. It still feels good.
Past present and future it all surround me.
I hate that I had to do that in order to feel better about him doing whatever he was doing. i should have been writing my paper or reading. That feeling of revenge only felt good while I was doing it. Afterwards it was like a bad fight. smh. I should of stayed here and finished trying to read but the consistent stab of jealously was too distracting and this is why I resulted to being upstairs because I wont win neither will he if I just tell him to stop texting in front of me because it wont make him put up with me anymore than he already wasnt and it damn sure wont him happy because he is going to get what he wants one way or another. This is exactly why I resulted to staying upstairs because when I am down here I only stir up trouble for myself and its sad but no one wants to do what the other wants them to do because “we arent in a relationship. I may have missed him and suffered upstairs but I rather that than this dead feeling that got me no where. sigh. this is better that before but its not any easier. 😔😔😔😔 We always know how this ends up but smh. I cant deal with it anymore. I think im gonna just fully move upstairs and leave him alone for a while. This isnt working for me. Im so sad
I have some things that I really am not sure about but thats the point of me doing the blog post so I can, you know, test then with you guys, so I can figure out what is a go or a no go.
I have these Avon Sandals. Now, I wear a size 10. They are called casual comfort everyday sandals, size 10, color blue. They have man made materials. I have to always have something comfortable on my feet because I have back problems. I like them so far because the idea of comfort in any fashion is a definite for me. They are something for me to throw own and if I dont feel like wearing socks I can just slide them on. This is perfect for spring weather or sometimes I might be lazy and slip them on because I dont have any around the house slippers.
I have samples of the Avon Afirm yourself body firming cream. I am interested in trying this out. It says that “96% of women show improvement in hip and Abdomen areas, so I will definitely try that.
I have whitening essentials Flouride toothpaste and tooth brush. It says 10x the stain removal it is charcoal black. I am very skeptical about trying this but I am going to try this but I didnt even know I ordered this, Maybe it was apart of the campaign product series.
I also have samples of the belif true cream. It is for your face. The samples are one time use.
I have the belif true cream aqua bomb. It is a light gel cream for the face. I am interested in trying that out
I have a hair mask I am interested in trying this but I have no idea how I am going to do this having my hair loc’d. It is supposed to be rejuvenating. What I might do is just put it over my edges because those are in need of some attention. It has ingredients but it doesnt tell me how to use it. So I dont know how to use a hair mask actually but I am going to try it and see how it goes.
I have Hair oil serum. I dont know what to do with this but I am going to try it. It is supposed to repair damaged hair with its natural ingredients honey ,royal jelly and I am supposed to apply one or two pumps on evenly damp or dry hair. Not supposed to rinse it. With my hair texture. I have mixed hair texture.
Also I have the silvertone 3 piece sparkle set. Earrings, Necklace and Bracelet
I have hydrafusion gel cream 72 hours of hydration. It has hyauloric acid in it.
I have the anew depuffing eye serum.
I Avon persistent lip matte
Anew Vitamin C serum, Vitamin C Warming peel, Exfoliant autochaffant antioxidant lip treatment.
Anew power, Nobel prize winning research.
Even though I am not that much older my skin really shows signs of aging. So I think it is ok with me being 27 to begin trying it. I dont mind
This is what I was really interested in trying. I dont wear makeup but just because I am blogging about makeup. This is pretty much the only time I m going to wear it becauseI just want to try it out. Its VDL Lumilayer Duo Sample Kit. Lumilayer Primer and LUmilayer primer fresh.
I also have thie Advanced recovery cream. It is for face. place a sufficient amount on face, pat to promote absorption. Dr. Belmeur. We will try that.
I have himalayan pink salt toothe paste. That is interesting! I am very interest in trying out that.
Now when I was younger my mom used to buy skin so soft deodorant from Avon. I love the smell of this. Its soft essential and ooooh I love this smell its like a powdery type clean smell
Blogging is very scary to me. Why I am not sure. Im a very fearful person. I know I’m supposed to be full of confidence and spark but Im not. Im in fact very self conscious, I beat myself up alot, and I can be very competitive and overthink.I have struggle for the past 2 years trying to figure out what to write about. Unfortunately Im very anxious and I want to be perfect so I can get the attention I deserve. What attention that is, I have no clue. I dont know where my life is headed. I don’t want to talk about anything depressing and I dont want to try to hard.
I worry too much about what people think. I worry that I am going to embarass myself and look like a fool. I am also fearful of failure. I have alot of thoughts and alot of things to say but no answers. I go back and forth wondering, well I like make up and I want to show people who I am but then I see everyone else with their blogs and I just freak out like well its too late for me. I dont have enough time. I dont want anyone to know who I am honestly.
Its so many way I could live life but I havent figured out how to live mine yet. I have a son. Im in school trying to get my business degree. I am a person that wants to be in so many places at once. Unfortunately because I overwhelm myself with thoughts and fears and what everyone else thinks, I get stuck in a serious paralyzed state caused by my thoughts.
I know there are only images in this post related to make up but I am trying to keep the insspiration going. I dont even wear makeup! I just love looking at it. It makes me feel like someone but I wouldnt dare to put it on. I like all things beauty, skin care, some days I like glitter all things shiny and glamourous. Other days I may only prefer to sleep in the bed all day to avoid feeling any anxiety.
I dont understand why I fill up with anxiety the moment I open my eyes. Its frustrating because either I have to take a prescription to calm myself down or stay sleep. Anxiety really paralyzes me at times and I hate it. I used to just be able to get up and do things but I cant do that without getting a headache from thinking and worrying to much. All of the things that go on in my head drains my energy. I shut out the world and want to go into a crying fit.
Unfortunately my boyfriend or my friends dont allow it. THey text me, “Hey, where are you?” Its kind of funny to me because it helps me snap out of whatever I am dealing with being trapped inside of myself and I appreciate them doing. I dont even know where I am prior to them getting in touch with me. I am going to talk about my bf alot more and along with products I like and suggest and I just want to share share share as much as I can.
I am a thinker and I would like to be a writer, maybe? Just Bringing my thoughts and rambling. ttyl!
I know I am very blessed to have made it up to this point with the knowledge I have and even though deep down inside I’m fighting myself because I am not preparing for the worst. I dont have a back up, I refuse to give up and I know it’s going to work out.
I have huge dreams that I have been putting aside. I wanted to sing when I was little, didn’t have the confidence or strength to do that. When I got into school I was obsessed with dancing but my hand-eye coordination was off, something was wrong but I let that go.
When I was living with my former significant other I had dreams to shop, travel the world, and be my best version of me. Even though that was a hard time in my life, that part of my life I loved the most because I was everything I didnt want to be. I was angry, jealous, self-conscious, had crazy mood swings, and throwing tantrums. These things are much worse than how I mention it. Only I can imagine.
I found out after days ,months, and even a couple of years in denial that I had Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a subject that hits me so hard and I am crying as I type this out because I hate it. This can be discussed at a later time now that I think about it.
I learned to love myself because that was a dream I knew I could accomplish no matter what happened in life. There was definitely alot happening in my life.
The love I had for myself was unconditional, bitter, back and forth, confused, and even a disaster but I knew that it would all have been worth it in the end. Now I have the man of my dreams because of it but, I had lots of help and I am grateful for it.
That is why I refuse to give up on this Affiliate Marketing thing because its not just the Affiliate Marketing, its the desire I have to help everyone. I know that isnt possible but I ain’t quiting.
EmpowerKai is the soul of my presence on the internet, social media, and everything I post. It is my business to inspire, motivate, and uplift the next person.
I dont have my definition of my presence clearly stated out and to the point but I am getting there. I am getting there and it’s a journey that requires alot of rerouting, revamping, and restarting. I am going to keep this method going until I end up where I know I made a significant impact and that my presence doesnt go unnoticed.